Talking with older family members can sometimes feel like tip-toeing through a field of landmines. You want to be nice, but sometimes the words come out all wrong.
It’s tricky because we love our older relatives and want to have great conversations with them. But let’s face it, there are some things that just shouldn’t be said. These 15 comments might seem harmless to us, but they can really hurt feelings or make things awkward.
You’re not still working, are you?
This can sound judgmental. Some older folks enjoy working or need to keep working. It’s their choice and might be important for their finances or sense of purpose. Ask about their day instead of questioning their work status. Work can provide a sense of fulfillment at any age.
I’m surprised you still live alone
This comment can make them feel like you don’t think they’re capable. Many older people value their independence highly. If you’re concerned, ask if they need any help around the house instead. Living alone doesn’t mean they’re lonely or struggling.
You should try this new diet
Giving unsolicited advice about their eating habits can be offensive. They’ve lived a long time and know what works for them. Unless they ask for advice, it’s best not to comment on their diet. Their food choices are personal and might be based on health needs or preferences you’re unaware of.
I forgot, you’re from a different generation
This can make them feel out of touch or irrelevant. Every generation has valuable experiences and insights. Try asking about their views on current events instead of dismissing them. Their perspective might surprise you and offer unique wisdom.
Don’t you get bored staying at home?
This assumes their life isn’t fulfilling. Many older people have rich, busy lives even if they don’t go out much. Ask about their hobbies or what they enjoy doing at home. They might have exciting projects or interests you never knew about.
You’re too old to be on social media
This can sound condescending. Many older folks enjoy connecting with family and friends online. Encourage their interest in technology if they have it. They might even teach you a thing or two about using social platforms.
I can’t believe you’re still single
This comment can be hurtful, especially if they’ve lost a partner. Relationship status doesn’t define happiness at any age. Focus on their interests and activities instead. Being single can be a choice and a happy one at that.
Also read: 17 Activities You Shouldn’t Be Doing At Your Age
You must have a lot of regrets
This assumes they’re unhappy with their life choices. Most people, regardless of age, prefer to focus on positive memories. Ask about their proudest moments or best memories instead. They might have amazing stories of adventure and accomplishment to share.
Isn’t it great to be retired and do nothing?
Retirement doesn’t mean doing nothing. Many retirees are very active and busy. Ask what they’ve been up to lately instead of assuming they’re idle. Retirement can be a time of new hobbies, volunteering, or even starting a new career.
You look good for your age
While meant as a compliment, this can be backhanded. It suggests looking good is surprising at their age. Simply tell them they look great without mentioning their age. Beauty isn’t limited by numbers on a calendar.
Don’t you think it’s time to stop driving at night?
Driving represents independence. If you’re concerned, have a private conversation about safety, don’t bring it up casually. Offer to help with transportation if needed. Many older adults are perfectly capable drivers, even at night.
You must be lonely living by yourself
This assumes they’re unhappy alone. Many older people enjoy their solitude and have active social lives. Ask about their friends or activities instead. Living alone can be a choice that brings peace and contentment.
Why don’t you color your hair?
This suggests they should hide signs of aging. Gray hair can be a source of pride for many. Compliment their appearance without suggesting changes. Natural hair color, whatever it may be, can be beautiful and dignified.
You must have a lot of free time now
This assumes their days are empty. Many older people have busy, fulfilling schedules. Ask what they’ve been doing lately instead of assuming they have nothing to do. They might be busier now than they were when they were younger!
Let me explain how this works
This can sound patronizing, especially with technology. Ask if they’d like help before jumping in to explain things. They might know more than you think! Many older adults are tech-savvy and enjoy learning new skills.
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